It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
