i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
