i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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