I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
