Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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