He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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