I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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