happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
