i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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