I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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