Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
