my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
