how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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