Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
