I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
