Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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