I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
