can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
