So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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