Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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