Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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