Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's blow job season.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
