Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
