Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
