there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize