Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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