I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
