All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
