ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize