I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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