I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
