who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
