im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
