Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
