Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
