i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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