Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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