can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
