I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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