Me. At least after what I've been through.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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