I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
