proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are leaves in my underwear?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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