You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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