there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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