Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
