I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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