I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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