FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
