well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
