What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
