It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize