Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
