I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
