We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize