so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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