Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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