one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
