Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
