I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
