Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
