One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
