are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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