Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's get the cat blown out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
