Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
