you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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