you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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