Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
