I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize