Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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