I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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